Doing The Time, And Then Doing The Crime
by FinalBananaHammock
Summary: Beginning with his time in the boat house, and ending with the most dramatic vote-off of the season, this one-shot shows the wonderful story of how Courtney and Duncan became a couple.


Doing an insane obstacle course in the middle of the night wasn't Duncan idea of fun. However, messing with Chef Hatchet while doing an obstacle course in the middle of the night was.

"Fallen soldier, I salute you!" Duncan said, passing under the pendulum blade while LeShawna struggled to escape the clutches of the mud.

"You just bought yo-self twenty more push ups!" Chef commanded, leaning down to Duncan's level menacingly.

"Thank you!" Duncan said, sitting up and giving Chef a peck on the nose.

"Grrr…" Chef growled, turning shades of red Duncan didn't think were attainable by a human being. And one big fat purple vein appeared on his left temple.

"I think you may have pushed him over the edge, bro." Geoff said, appearing next to Duncan.

"I…think you're right." Duncan responded, eyes wide.

"One night, solitary confinement…" Chef growled. "In…the boat house." He finished menacingly.

Everyone gasped, but Duncan remained unfazed. "Big deal. How scary can it be?" He asked, crossing his arms. It was obvious to everyone that he had never seen the boat house.

Geoff voiced this concern. "Dude, have ever even _seen_ the boat house?" He asked.

Chef smiled. It was obvious the campers were afraid. He might have to use the punishment more often.

"This way," He grabbed Duncan's arm in a tight grip, and led him towards the cabin by the lake.

"So what? Have you gone soft?" Duncan asked. Chef didn't answer, so he continued. "A few canoes, some fishing poles, and a net. What's so bad about that?" Duncan asked.

"This is what's bad about that." Chef threw open the door, and tossed Duncan inside. "Have a nice night!" He slammed the door, and Duncan heard a lock click.

He had been in scarier places. He hopped up, and dusted himself off. The only light came from a small window next to a pool where a dead shark was hanging upside down. And it was barred.

Duncan leaned against a wall. It wasn't too bad, despite resembling what Jason's house probably looked like. But something on the wall was digging into the small of his back, and he turned around to investigate.

It was a huge shark mouth, and one of the teeth had been digging into him.

"Ah!" Duncan cried, stumbling backward in shock. His right foot landed in a bucket filled with some soft, gooey, and stanky stuff. He tried kicking it off, but fell backwards into some kind of small pool.

He wasn't distressed until something bit his buttocks, and he stood up, seeing some kind of miniature Loch Ness Monster staring up at him.

"Ah!" He cried again, once again stumbling backward, this time tripping over a crate, and landing on his butt. He took a few moments to calm himself before standing again. He sat down on the crate he tripped over, and took off the bucket. It was filled with fish chum.

"Ew, gross!" Duncan cried, throwing into a corner somewhere. Something squealed, and dashed away to another corner. The chum covered his shoe, and some of it got in his socks. He took them both off, and rinsed them off in the dead shark pool. Hopefully nothing else that went bump in the night was in there, or he would have to call MIB.

He chuckled at his own joke, and sat down on a stump, putting his shoe and sock back on. He then came to one lone conclusion.

"I should've kept my big mouth shut."

Roughly twenty minutes of sitting in the almost pitch blackness alone later; he saw the light from a flashlight in a window he hadn't discovered yet. After the encounter with the Mini-Lock Ness Monster he had decided to just stay within ten feet of his stump.

He thought maybe Chef Hatchet had grown a heart and come to bring him back, but the person who did come surprised him even more.

"Hello? Duncan?" Courtney asked, sticking her head through the door. Wait? Had it been unlocked the whole time after all?

He picked up a broom and feigned good behavior to win Chef over, but he threw it away when Courtney came in. "Princess!" He called.

"I wish you'd stop calling me that." She said.

"So, come to claim that kiss?" He asked hopefully.

"Even pigs deserve a meal." She said, offering a bowl of what looked like the creation of putting rice and glue in a microwave together.

"Um, not thanks. I'll just stick with the bait." He said, indicating the bucket of chum he had stepped into earlier.

"Yeah, well, that's all Chef would serve us after our _pathetic_ performance on the obstacle course." She said, dusting off the crate Duncan had been sitting on, and sitting down.

Duncan accepted the rice/glue after some contemplation, and pulled up a _clean_ bucket to sit on. He tried to stick the spoon Courtney gave him into the "food", but it wouldn't come out again, so he just threw it away, bowl and all. He heard another small squeaking sound, so he must have hit the rat thingy.

"Why do you egg Chef on all the time? You _know_ you're going to get in trouble." Courtney asked, slightly annoyed. For what, Duncan didn't know.

"Why are you so uptight all the time?" Duncan asked, not answering her question.

"I am _not_ uptight!" She cried, standing up.

"You _always_ follow the rules!" He argued.

"Well you always have to break them!" Courtney cried.

Duncan gave a witty answer. "Only the ones I want to!" He winked at her.

"Okay, so maybe I do follow the rules," Courtney said, walking away and facing away from him. "I guess that makes me a big uptight loser in your books right?" She asked.

"Maybe," He said slyly.

"Ugh!" She cried.

"So why do you follow them?" Duncan asked, for once asking a genuine question.

"Because not following them gets you thrown into a fish cabin!" She cried, picking up some random fish and pointing it at him.

"But I'm in the fish cabin with you, aren't I?" He asked getting what would normally be way too close to Courtney. And was that actually a smile playing on her lips? "Feel like ditching this stuff for some peanut butter and jam?" He asked, trying to get her on a bad girl streak.

"Are you kidding?" She asked hopefully. "All I've had for two days is this gruel!" She indicated the bowl that Duncan had cast aside. "But Chef will never give it to us…" She said, getting deflated.

"See? Now that's the problem with your thinking!" Duncan pointed at her head. "The trick is to not _ask_ for it!" He said.

Courtney snickered. "Do you have some on you?"

"No," He said. "But I happen to know where to find it!" He said. "It will involve breaking quite a few rules though. Are you in?" He asked, getting into that close range again. He got kind of doubtful when she looked away.

"Let's do it!" She said after some thought.

"Well alright then!" He said.

They walked outside, Duncan "forgetting" he was still supposed to be on solitary confinement.

"Here," He grabbed two bushes _out of_ the bushes. "You need to put this on." He handed her one, and she tugged on the leaves. Rubber.

"Where did you get fake bushes?" She asked, looking for some place to stick her head inside.

"I know a guy, who knows a guy, who knows a girl who works at a costume shop, and she knows a guy who knows a guy who knows another girl who works on a fish boat. She dropped them off here a few days ago." He explained while showing her how to get inside. Courtney decided not to question him.

After five minutes of struggling, she finally got inside. "And now you have to put this on." He handed her a leaf hat.

"And what's this made out of?" She asked, tugging on it.

"Leaves," He said, putting his on and ducking inside. He really did look like a bush.

"Okay," She put hers on, and ducked inside. There were a few fake branches she had to work around, but found a place she could look out of without being seen.

"Are you ready?" Bush-Duncan asked her.

"Ready!" She confirmed.

"Good. Now Chris's tent is this way!" Bush-Duncan led the way, and they trudged through the woods, making surprisingly good progress. Mobility wasn't all that restricted.

"Have you done this before?" She asked.

"Maybe a few times." He admitted. "Look, here it is!" He said, putting himself down on the outside of a big canvas tent.

He popped his head out of his bush, and Courtney did the same. They nodded to each other, and wormed out of their respective bushes.

"Now, there's going to be a long table, and we just have to crawl under it. There's a cover, so it won't be that difficult." He explained. Courtney nodded, and they went inside.

"Twenty-five of us went into the jungle that night, only five came back out." Chef said, telling Chris the same fake war story that he had told them while they were holding the canoes.

"Slowly…slowly, crawl." Duncan instructed, as they passed the half way point along the table.

"Oh come on, I am _nothing_, without my stubble." Chris said, changing the topic of discussion. Apparently he didn't like Chef's stories either.

"Amen, brother." Chef agreed.

By then they reached a refrigerator that didn't seem to be plugged into anything. Duncan opened it, and checked that the hum hadn't reached the two tormentors. They were gossiping about an intern that couldn't grow a moustache no matter how hard he tried. They didn't even look up.

Courtney loaded a whole bunch of food into a sack she didn't remember bringing, and saw a milk carton with Ezekiel's face on it. Just thinking about him made her want to punch somebody. She laid a fish she also didn't remember bringing onto the plate she took some cookies off of, and why cookies were in the refrigerator, she would never know. "A little present, courtesy of the Killer Bass." She said.

"Now you're learning." Duncan said with a little chuckle.

So they got the heck out of there, laughing all the way. And Duncan "forgot" his solitary confinement for the rest of the night.

"Dude, hurry up! Harold will get back from the bathroom soon!" Duncan said, as Geoff smeared peanut butter on Harold's pillow in the shape of a smiley face ten minutes later, after everyone cheered, seeing their bounty.

"Done!" Geoff said, hiding the peanut butter. They both pretended they had nothing to do with it, attacking the cold cookies instead.

"Guys! This is so totally disgusting!" Harold cried when he got back from the bathroom, lifting up his covers, to reveal Geoff's "artwork".

"See! Now that is a waste of good peanut butter!" Duncan said, but couldn't keep back a laugh. He looked up from the smore he was devouring five minutes later when he heard someone barfing outside, and went to investigate.

Once again, he was surprised. "So the Princess has a dark side." He said, after Courtney was done with her business.

"Okay, that was so gross. But once I did something bad, it was just so much fun I just wanted more!" She cried.

"You could give me that kiss, that would be pretty bad." He said, wiggling his eyebrow flirtatiously.

"You're still not my type." She said, ruffling his Mohawk.

"Fine, then enjoy a peanut butterless life." He said, crossing his arms.

"Enjoy prison." She retaliated.

"I will," He said with a smile.

What happened next was a surprise as well. She pulled him into a passionate kiss, and didn't let go for a while. He had kissed lots of girls before, but this was different. This time there were, Duncan tried to think of that cheap saying, cherry bombs? That'll work.

Except of course she had just barfed, and he had just consumed massive amounts of chocolate, so they ended up breaking the kiss faster then either of them would've liked. But they gave each other sly smiles anyway.

She walked away, and he heard her mumbling to herself. "Pity kiss, pity kiss, pity kiss. Oh, crap. Bleough!" She dashed away and barfed more in the communal washrooms.

"Dude, nice!" Geoff said, as he and DJ came out.

"Told you she digs me." He said cockily.

He then heard a gasp from somewhere, but didn't really care at the time.

"We should go rinse your mouth out." DJ said, indicating a small trail of barf down his chin.

"Probably a good idea." Duncan said, wiping it away with his sleeve.

They walked off, and Harold watched them the whole time. He would get his ultimate payback some time or another, he always knew that. But now he knew exactly how.

**One day later at the bonfire…**

"Harold," Chris said, awarding the final marshmallow.

"What?! You guys voted for _Harold_ over me?!" Courtney screamed, getting up from her stump.

"Yes, yes. It's always a shock." Chris said, laying a hand on her shoulder.

"This is impossible! I demand a recount!" Courtney screamed.

Everyone was speechless, except of course for Duncan. "Oh, seriously dude, I know for a fact that there were three of us that didn't vote her off!" He cried.

Geoff and DJ nodded, earning them a shove to the ground from Chef.

"I do not concede! I do not concede!" She cried while Chef and Chris dragged her down the Dock of Shame.

"Aw man! This stinks!" Duncan said angrily at the bonfire.

"I was your only hope! I was a counselor in training!" She cried. "Let go of me!" Chris and Chef smiled at each other, and threw her into the Boat of Losers. "You are going to hear from my attorney!" She said coldly. And they also forgot her luggage.

As the boat began to pull away, Duncan ran up the dock. "Courtney wait! I made this for you!" He tossed a small wooden skull into the palm of her hand.

Of course he was doing _something_ while he was in the boat house. But he hadn't exactly planned it as a gift until ten seconds earlier. It just happened to be in his pocket since he never changed his clothes, but he would never tell Courtney that.

"Duncan! Okay, this is really weird and creepy but, I love it!" She said as an oxymoron. "I'll never forget you!" Were the last words he ever heard her say for several weeks.

"Yes…" Harold said, as his marshmallow burned in the fire. He finally had his revenge. Duncan was **terminated**, in the words of Arnold Schwarzenegger.

"Harold!" Duncan cried, running back to the bonfire.

His eyes bulged out of his head. Did Duncan know somehow?

"This only means I'll be beating up on you harder!" He said menacingly.

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeek!" Harold cried, running away into the confession cam.

"Okay, so maybe that backfired a little bit." He said, once in there. "But this is one point for me, and…" He started doing mental math, drawing pretend numbers in the air. Ten minutes later he finally came to a conclusion. "One hundred fifty two points for Duncan!" He said. "Another one hundred fifty one wins and we'll be even!" As he finished that sentence, the bathroom tipped over, and Harold came sprawling out.

"You might not want to record this camera guy!" Duncan said, covering the lens. "This is for being stupid enough to drink the kitchen grease!" Punch. "This is for getting hit with that dodgeball that one time!" Kick.

"Aw…this is so not worth it…" Harold moaned.

Three days after that, he would be receiving the same treatment and Playa Des Losers. Ten fold.


End file.
